FADNAT-Birthday Boy!, 2019

Oil on Canvas

24 x 24

Today Betty is throwing her husband Ted his Big BirthdayBash! Every year she and their Cat Jinx countdown until midnight and Hooray!!! She’s about to cut the cake, but wait!”We can’t have cake without this,” she says & runs to the freezer.”Here comes the BirthdayBoy!” She sets a FrozenHead wearing a dirty GolfCap on the table. It’s Ted! Ted loves 3 things- Golf, a VideoGame called Fallout 4 (BlueFigurine), and his favorite, Betty & Jinx. Four years ago Ted rented a wood chipper to cut down a huge tree in his front yard so he wouldn’t have to rake the leaves anymore. He put his boot on the chipper to tie the laces when they got cut and dragged him into the blades. Ted splattered all over the unranked leaves. Fortunately, the failsafe kicked in and stopped at his neck. A bloody Jinx was eating Ted sludge when Betty ran out screaming for help. They live in a rural area with no neighbors for miles. Betty, in shock, then clean the chipper and had it picked up without calling the authorities. She clean what was left of Ted’s Cold Severed Head and old Golf Cap then froze them. Weeks passed. She found comfort in playing his Fallout 4 Game. She would talk with Ted’s game character just like they did when he was alive. They even argued as usual. She would Sob afterwards. After the cake and putting on the Gold Party Hats left over from Jinx’s party, Betty started drinking her Metal Blade Wine. On Ted’s past Birthdays, Betty would perform an “AdultFavor” for him, but since that was no longer possible, Ted is now giving her the AdultFavor! Ted and his Hat are pride between her legs while she drunkenly sings Happy Birthday! Oh no! She passed out before putting Ted back in the freezer! This invited jinx for a few nibbles and a lot of insects that filled the house. She wakes up to a doorbell, hangover, and Insects, then staggers to the door. She forgot her friend FADNAT was coming over this morning to discreetly document Her story with a photo & promising ONLY to reveal it after her death.

This is the only photo ever taken of Ted and Betty after the accident 40 years ago. After the photo was released, Psychics & Mediums described Satan peering over Ted. Apparently, Ted had SinisterSecrets. Fortunately, Betty’s bond to Ted’s Soul was still too strong then to take, but perhaps are all together now.